Joe Rumrill

Pro: Night Kindergarten is a great service for your 4 and 5 year olds who either have to work during the day, say at a coal mine or a wacky law firm that hires child lawyers as their gimmick…or simply for kids who want to continue their education in addition to the regular schooling during the day.

Con: Class starts at 10pm, a good 3 hours after all of the students’ usual bedtimes, so they are naturally very tired and cranky for all 5 hours of the “day’s” lesson.

Pro: Night Kindergarten offers field trips to local museums, nature centers, and farms.

Con: Those things are typically closed by the time we get there.

Con: Due to my limited knowledge of most common school subjects, the curriculum is largely based around the story of Squanto.

Pro: I know a ton about Squanto, though.

Con: I don’t especially care much for the sound of children’s laughter.

Pro: Somebody made me a Spotify playlist of the sound of children’s laughter, so hopefully I’ll get into it soon.

Con: The principal and superintendent of the public school I teach the class in does not know I run this particular class, and I am actually just a cafeteria worker.

Pro: The children start their “day” with the many unserved fruit cups and Salisbury steaks I haven’t unloaded that day.

Con: Night Kindergarten is largely untested, therefore technically it hasn’t been proven that teaching five year olds at night will be helpful at all.

Pro: In a way, that kind of makes me a trailblazer.

Pro: Night Kindergarten is open during major holidays.

Con: This is mostly due to my having no family or friends to spend those holidays with.

Con: Most of the children are asleep by the time the photographer is ready for picture day

Pro: Many of us are simply left to wonder what we look like when we are asleep, and this solves that mystery for these lucky, lucky kids.

Pro: 100% of Night Kindergarten graduates are on the fast track to the finest Night Elementary Schools the city has to offer.

Con: As of this writing, Night Elementary School does not exist.

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Original author: Joe Rumrill