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If it’s not one thing, it’s my Mother: Grapefruit Drama

Photo by Charles on Unsplash

If it’s not one thing, it’s my Mother: Grapefruit Drama

First of all, this is not a story about grapefruit. It’s about my 75-year-old mother, my mother’s way of thinking and nicotine gum.

It started off innocently enough. We were out doing errands. I am 58. I have a very cranky back and depend on a walker (at least for now). My mother and I have recently become roommates after being separated for a year (a story for another day.)

All I wanted was a ruby red grapefruit, as they are in season, so she volunteered to run into the store and get the grapefruit. I wasn’t really watching her as she got out of the car but then I noticed I didn’t see her go into the store so I looked around only to notice her bobbing up and down as though she was bending over to pick up some change.

After about a minute I saw her go into the store. About 15 minutes later she reappeared, grocery bag in hand. I noticed her bobbing up and down once again in the same place she did when she got out of the car.

Illegal Activity

Once she got in the car and closed the door she handed me the bag of grapefruit and said “You won’t guess who saw me in the parking lot!” I thought that was an odd way to say something, so I said “No, who saw you in the parking lot?”

“The sheriff!” she exclaimed. “Well, I’m sure he wasn’t looking at you, he has better things to do” I said.

She continued “It was so embarrassing!’

“Why was it embarrassing?” I asked.

“Because my gum went flying out of my purse, along with everything else!”

Am I crazy or what?

I had to think for a moment. My mom chews nicotine gum (and has done so for more about 30 years as she didn’t want to smoke once the grandchildren came along.)

To keep her gum handy, she removes the individually sealed pieces and puts them in a zippered brown leather pouch. I then asked her if individual pieces scattered out of the pouch or if the entire pouch landed on the asphalt.

“My pouch fell on the ground.”

I tried to follow a logical line of questioning. “So why would the sheriff care if he saw a brown leather pouch fall out of your purse? All kinds of things are found in parking lots.”

“Well, I don’t know…”

Well, I do know. My mother had a mother who immediately assumed the worst and that everyone was staring at her. The story goes that my grandma, wanted to get a job and after one day of work didn’t go back because another young woman looked at her the “wrong way.” That pretty much explains everything.

I didn’t want to appear as though I was interrogating my mom but I had to follow this through, for my sanity at least.

“Mom, even if he did see the pouch fall out of your purse and on to the ground, what would make him think it was unusual, much less anything suspicious? Nicotine gum is not an illegal substance.”

“I guess not,” she acquiesced.

Sanity Restored

Once we got home my mom straightened out her purse. I ate half my ruby red grapefruit, satisfying my citrus craving. And so it was, yet another mama drama.

For those of you who read my previous post on the Manwich drama, I have a follow up. She came home from bingo tonight and made another Manwich, which she is enjoying as she sits in her burgundy recliner. I am about to join her to watch TV and crochet, which I do as I contemplate the next piece I will write.

Original author: Renee Olmsted
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