Nepotism has often been highlighted as one of the more destructive workplace practices that can lead to a loss of productivity and performance. If the best people aren’t being promoted for the top jobs in an organisation, the organisation in question will inevitably suffer.
Whilst this analysis of productivity is indeed true, it’s important to consider how useful nepotism can be if you’re the one that gets promoted because you are the second cousin twice removed of the CEO rather than the fact that you haven’t got the foggiest idea how to do the job you’ve been promoted to.
Here at The W1nners’ Club, we often promote people based on how much money we owe their parents or whether or not we are being blackmailed and our internal personnel questionnaires tell us that the people who get promoted as a result of nepotism are some of the happiest workers we have ever come across — here’s why:
1. No pressure to pursue career advancement initiatives
When you’ve been promoted for no reason other than the fact that you know what the CEO did on a school trip many years ago that involved fraternising with livestock, and ever since you entered the world of work you’ve been able to convince him or her that you’ll sell your story to the newspapers if they don’t see to it that your working life is adequately ‘managed’ — there’s absolutely no pressure on you whatsoever to pursue any career advancement initiatives. Extra training, involvement in shaping your job description, transferring to another department — none of this is necessary when all you need to do to obtain another pay rise is threaten to get on the blower to the Daily Star newspaper!
2. Take any criticism from anyone
Whilst the popular workplace wisdom suggests it’s in your best interests to heed the advice of others in order to improve — if you know for a fact that your boss who now claims to be an Arsenal fan actually supported Tottenham Hotspur when they were at university and you even have pictures to prove it, all you need to do is threaten to tell their mates at the Arsenal supporters’ club the truth about their sordid past if they ever challenge you at work for a lack of performance!
3. Be a team player
Everyone in the office takes turns to do the tea run, responsibility for changing the toner cartridge in the printer is shared equally and people take it in turns to put their credit card behind the bar on team nights out — except you don’t have to do you? All of the above is for the schmucks who have never hired a private investigator to obtain images of the boss having sex with the company’s main competitor at a trade conference — whereas if you have, the obligation to take your fair share of the burden of team activities becomes practically non-existent!
4. Develop the skills of subordinates
When you’ve been promoted to a position of seniority for no apparent reason other than the fact that you share a surname with the majority of the main shareholders, you are absolved of having to spend anytime whatsoever developing the people that work underneath you in the organisation. Why waste time increasing productivity and improving co-worker relationships if it means that your ability to beat your highest score on Candy Crush becomes impaired in the name of ‘improved company performance.’ You’ve been promoted for reasons that have nothing to do with your aptitude, so at the very least you should bloody well act like it — after all, who the hell’s going to complain?
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