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A Fada do Sono

Quando eu era criança, perguntei pra a minha mãe de onde vinha o sono e ela me respondeu que a Fada do Sono o trazia ao anoitecer e jogava-o sobre nossas cabeças sem que percebêssemos. No dia seguinte, esperei escondido o anoitecer, com a intenção de atacar a Fada do sono e impedi-la de me adormecer. Aos sete anos eu pensava que, sem a necessidade de dormir, eu me tornaria a pessoa mais poderosa do mundo. E eu estava certo! Escolhi, contra a fada, a única arma que havia ouvido ser capaz de derrotar o sono: uma caneca de café quente. Armado com a caneca, permaneci em vigília a esperá-la. Qual não foi minha surpresa quando, ao final do crepúsculo, vi uma pequena criatura brilhante entrar voando pela janela, carregando uma varinha de condão azul nas mãos. Era ela, a Fada do Sono! Ela olhou para todos os lados, provavelmente me procurando, e aparentou confusão com a minha ausência. Quando não me encontrou, ela tirou um aparelho do bolso e apertou um botão. Imediatamente eu ouvi um BIP sonoro vindo da parte de trás do meu corpo. “Salafrária” — Pensei — “Ela instalou um rastreador na minha bunda!” Seguindo o som,...

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Fake news!

Fake news!

I spot the big smoke rising in the hills behind the neighborhood where I have a friend couple living in the mountains very close to that fire. I immediately messaged them as I was afraid that they might not be aware of it yet. Last year they saw most of the houses across the street burnt down. Firefighter stopped it before it reached their side, so my alert got them extremely anxious about what’s going to happen next. I told them I was going to glue my eyes towards that direction and let them know as soon as I saw smoke getting worse. I did not see the usual commotions like airplanes flying around with orange liquid pouring down. Twenty minutes later, the smoke dwindled. I told the anxious couple, and they were immediately relieved. They said they also did not hear any unusual sirens of the firefight trucks nor water airplanes hovering around as the last time they experienced. “It must have been a controlled burnt fire. Now you should feel safer for this coming summer with better peace of mind. “ I comforted. A few minutes later, my other group of friends started to share a photo of this...

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20 Short Phrases To Say At Work When You Pass Someone In The Hallway

20 Short Phrases To Say At Work When You Pass Someone In The Hallway

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Satire To Eliminate Awkward Silence, And To Further Your Career The office hallway is where future CEO’s are made. When you’re passing someone in the hallway at work, it can be awkward. Silence is never good. You always want to acknowledge the other person, otherwise you may seem to be aloof. A perception of aloofness can turn into ‘He/She is difficult to work with.’ Then the office politics begin. And then you lose that big promotion. It’s a downward spiral. So, below are a few simple phrases to use when passing colleagues in the hallways at work. These phrases are designed to be short. And they are designed to get short responses from the people you pass. And allow you to get on with your rest of your career. 20 Short Phrases To Say At Work When You Pass Someone In The Hallway: On Monday — “Monday’s, huh?” (with a slight smile, and roll of the eyes)On Wednesday — “Hump day!”On Friday — “TGIF!”In a narrow hallway -“Tight Squeeze!”For sports fans expecting a big game tonight - “Big game tonight!”For sports fans who saw a big game last night — “Great game last night!”When the person passing you in the hallway...

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Man Browsing Google Earth Sees Strange Shape

Man Browsing Google Earth Sees Strange Shape

IMAGE FROM GOOGLE EARTH Many men feel it — a kind of disjuncture between themselves and their penis. It’s like their penis gets them to do things they normally wouldn’t do. And their penis doesn’t seem necessarily aligned with their values. “My penis is a dick,” said Google Earth user Henry Lamboski. “It’s always been.” Mr. Lamboski was idly scanning through Google Earth one day last spring, as people with no lives are wont to do when he saw something quite shocking — his left-leaning penis and his balls. “Yeah, I recognized it right away,” he explained. “It’s not quite a 90-degree turn, but my penis always had that sharp angle to it.” The question that popped like a boner into his mind, of course, was, “What is my penis doing in Ohio?” It’s possible that his ex-wife may have had something to do with it, says Lamboski. “She robbed me of my manhood, and my discretionary income,” he complained. “She used to keep my balls in a jar on her desk. Now it seems she parked my whole wedding tackle on this street in Ohio.” And yet, if it were his penis, it seems from glancing on the map that...

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Life Without Underwear

Life Without Underwear

How often you think about the pain and atrocities from which others have to suffer? An intricate characteristic of humans, in general, is that we don’t value things we easily get, and so we never give them any respect. For instance, our underwear. Have you ever thought about how important underwear is in our lives? It may occur to you that underwear is just a piece of cloth, but pause for a moment and imagine your lives without underwear. Impossible? And how often you think about the pain and atrocities from which underwear has to suffer? Underwear is one of those innocent objects in our lives without which we can’t live, but we never give a damn. Rewind your life and go back to the moment when you brought home brand new underwear. When you took out the brand new underwear of the packet, it was so fresh, full of energy. But what you did to it. Poor underwear didn’t even know where it will get into. It enters there and the suffering begins. Fatal bacterias, deadly microbes, horrifying odor, suffocated hairy surroundings, the astronomic jolt of farts, it undergoes every inhumane cruelty possible. It lives with relentless negativity all the...

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A Tribute To Mrs. Wilson

A Tribute To Mrs. Wilson

Bunnies are naturally skittish. We can’t help it. When a big old human comes near, we bolt like lightning. So when I first encountered Mrs. Wilson, I did what came naturally and quickly hopped outta there. Right under a large bush. The one that had red flowers a while back. But Mrs. Wilson just smiled and said, “I won’t hurt you little bunny. I have some scraps from dinner that I thought you might enjoy.” She left the veggies on the lawn and went back inside. Once she was safely indoors, I enjoyed a feast. Maybe I misjudged her, I thought. Mrs. Wilson has a garden in her back yard. She put a fence around it, because, you know, bunnies. Hey, don’t judge, veggies are delicious. Who could resist? One day Mrs. Wilson was weeding her garden while I watched longingly. She saw me and smiled. Then she threw me a carrot. Oh, happy day! I became a regular spectator at Mrs. Wilson’s gardening sessions. She never disappointed. Mrs. Wilson tried planting a row of carrots outside the fence for us bunnies to enjoy. But the secret got out, and every critter in the whole neighborhood descended upon the crop. What...

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Our Automated Phone Menu Options Have Changed For The Worse So Please Listen Carefully

Our Automated Phone Menu Options Have Changed For The Worse So Please Listen Carefully

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay Thank you for calling Multicorp. If you know the extension of the party you are trying to reach, we’d honestly be really impressed as our options have recently changed. For technical support, press 1. It’s the same number as we had before, only the support isn’t as good. For the good technical support, press 2. But you didn’t hear it from us. To speak with a member of our sales team, press 3. They’re very interested in what you have to offer. If you just like pressing buttons — and who doesn’t? — we suggest pressing 4 now. Funny story: 4 used to be the number for our billing department. Now you have to dial the alphanumeric value of “billing department” or they’ll kill you. If you think we’re kidding, press 5. For the company directory, dial 911. To hear our regular business hours, please call back between Monday and Friday, 9 AM to 5 PM. For store locations, press 0.5. If you’re calling from a rotary phone, that’s “½.” To speak with a member of our new and improved sales team that we hired since earlier in the call, press 6. For the marketing...

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A Brief Humour Of Time

A Brief Humour Of Time

Quantum questions and linear laughs! Have you ever been told there’s a new business plan at work? And you said, ‘we did that two years ago!’ Welcome to: It’s a strange concept that everything happens at once. But the feeling is not that foreign to us…. If I was in your shoes… Find out HERE! in the amazing Muddy Um! If I Was In YOUR Shoes..! …Some Footwear Fun medium.com Original linkOriginal author: John King

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How to Have Fun With Your Trolls

May 21 Hey Brilliant Writers, Thought you might like an update on the Troll McE situation: Since receiving the pithy message from our under-bridge friend this weekend, I asked our Brilliant Writers what y’all thought we should do about our new un-asked-for pet. 61.5% voted to keep Mr. Troll on the list a while, just for entertainment30.8% thought we ought to put the poor guy out of his misery and take him off the email listAnd 15.4% suggested that we attempt to convert our troll from mud-grubber to light-bringer, should he ever resurface again A few voters left intelligent comments, as well. And instead of replying one by one, I thought I’d share your messages so the rest of our Merry Band can see your how thoughtful/brilliant you are! As for Mr. Troll himself, I haven’t heard another peep yet, but if I do, I’d be happy to let you know :) BTW: My answers are in bold We are in worldwide situation that we have never in the history of Earth been in before. Yes, we’ve suffered through pandemics, but because of the internet we can see that all of us share a common bond and many of us are...

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Always Think Before You Print

Always Think Before You Print

Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash I launched my first app in April, which is three months ago. It’s still my only app. Well, I made other apps, but that was the only one I launched. Right after the launch, there were problems. Bugs. I fixed them in a following release, 1.0.1. That release got “metadata rejected,” which for me meant my promo video violated the guidelines. I re-rendered my video and released another version quickly, 1.0.2. That was approved. And now, after almost three months of inactivity, version 1.1.0 is here. I translated my app into Chinese. I made new screenshots and refreshed the video. New screenshots of my app But what took so long? 1.1.0 doesn’t have a lot of new features besides Chinese support, and creating the metadata took less than a week. Shelter-in-place was also in effect, which meant I had loads of spare time. Looking back, there were times when I lost interest, and others when I was simply too lazy. I would abandon my app for YouTube and other entertainment. I would put off new features for later. And then there were the mistakes I made — which largely contributed to my lack of interest...

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