When it was revealed that Baby Sussex would be called Archie, I was more torn than Natalie Imbruglia in 1997. On the upside it 1)reiterated that Archie isn’t just a name for dogs. 2) It meant that brands were dishing out the deals for the Royal Baby’s namesakes. Frankie & Benny’s offered a free meal on the day of the announcement, Itsu were giving out their aptly named Itsu Avo Baby Rolls, and Drayton Manor, a theme park in Staffordshire, were offering free entry for all Archies the following weekend. Finally, 3) it meant that I could Insta the shit out of the news, making up for my depressingly unphotogenic life which even the best of Instagram filters can’t embellish. Archie Challen of Sussex; Influencer to the Royal Family has a nice ring to it.
Maybe I actually am an influencer. Or I’ve just become the victim to one of the most high profile cases of identity fraud the UK, if not the globe, has seen for some time. Think about it. I’m a Sussex lad. He was named Baby Sussex by the media prior to his official name. When his name was finally announced, it so happened that the baby was called Archie. Bloody Archie. Not even short for Archibald or Arthur, just like my name isn’t. Then on Sunday, Meghan Markle posted a picture of her newborn’s feet. I too have feet. It’s uncanny. In fact the only thing that I don’t have in common with the little man is that I am yet to have been the subject of an outstandingly clumsy Danny Baker tweet.
It turns out that no else could agree whether it was a great name. That afternoon I scrolled Twitter to see what the world thought of the name, and yes the majority loved it. It was a refreshing change from the Alexanders, Williams, Edwards and Charles that are usually banded around when a royal baby is due and it potentially symbolised a changing royal family, less caught up in pomp and tradition.
But as I scrolled, I realised a lot of people thought it was awful. A name not regal enough and one quite frankly only worthy of being shared with a half-decent Scottish footballer in the 70’s and Larry Lamb’s character in EastEnders. Some Archies were gutted at the prospect of their name going royal and some people reacted as though the royal couple had named their son Gavin, McKenzie or WKD Blue. A parody Twitter account of the Queen tweeted;
First and foremost I don’t think the Royal Family give a fuck what we think but to me it highlighted how us Brits love to be divided. We no longer sit on the fence with anything. We all-out love something or utterly despise it; Brexit, Marmite, Maggie Thatcher, The Decision To Remove Gamu Nhengu From The X-Factor In 2010 Due To ‘Deportation Issues.’ We’ve become a deeply divided nation and Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor is proof of this. For the record it’s a cracking name.